You might be more of a control freak than you think

You are not responsible for others’ feelings and behaviors.  They are.  We grow up believing we are responsible because others blame us for their pain.  “It’s your fault I’m mad.”  “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t feel this way.”  “You made me mad/upset.” “You make me crazy.”

→ This makes you believe you are in control of others’ emotions, and you learn that you want to avoid the shame results from another’s blame like the plague. You learn to alter your actions to avoid making someone “mad,” and being perceived as a disappointment or an instigator.

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I'll just do it myself

It’s not a secret that American culture glorifies self-sufficiency and hyper-independence.  We want to go it alone, do it all ourselves, and have all the control.   When we encounter a speed bump or road block, the internal messages we hear sound like: buck up, soldier on, suck it up, just deal with it. Like, dude, what's wrong with you?  Just GET OVER IT.  

Not that it’s bad to pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps or motivate yourself to go on in the face of hardship.  However, the subliminal message to this cultural value and norm is: If you need anyone or anything to help you, you’re weak.  If you can’t do it alone, there’s something wrong with you.  When we feel that the burden is all ours whether we need help or not, it can get very heavy. 

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