Here's the pattern: I see many perfectionists; people who work hard, give a lot to others, and don't ask for a lot in return. They may not self identify as a perfectionist, but there is fear of failure or disappointing others under the surface which looks like perfectionism from above. When they get to my office, they are weary and worn out. They cannot understand why they don't get anything back from the people to whom they're giving. So they continue to give, do, be, and turn themselves inside out to try to get something back.Read More
Part I was about WHY it’s so hard to ask others for what we need. When we examine this question, the first one that may arise is: how do I know what my needs are? I’ve been ignoring them for so long, I’m not sure I even know what to ask for.
First, acknowledge that it’s ok to have needs. When you deny your own needs for so long, starting to acknowledge them can bring up guilt, doubt, and issues of deserving. Permission slips are good to use for this purpose. Give yourself permission to acknowledge and pursue your needs. Why? Permission slips give us the green light and make it easier to "break" the societal/cultural/familial ruleswe feel like we're breaking if we pursue unmet needs.Read More
You’re wondering if this is another gimmick… can couples actually achieve happiness? When you’re unhappy with your relationship, it may seem like happy couples are in your face, walking hand-in-hand everywhere you go. You may roll your eyes covertly (or even overtly) and think to yourself, “I wonder how long it will be before the honeymoon ends.” Cynicism about relationships can grow like a cancer, fed by resentment and avoidance. Ok… So how do the happy couples sustain it?
As with most things in life, marital satisfaction/happiness is a practice that we need to work on every day individually and as a couple. So yes, it’s totally possible with an open and accepting perspective. Here are some secrets that the happiest couples know (and practice) to earn their title.
Continue reading here.
Admit it- you sometimes analyze the hell out a text message exchange with your partner, the person you’re dating, or a friend. What does that even mean? Why did she say it that way? We react at lightning speed and defend something that wasn’t intended to be offensive.Read More