Here's the pattern: I see many perfectionists; people who work hard, give a lot to others, and don't ask for a lot in return. They may not self identify as a perfectionist, but there is fear of failure or disappointing others under the surface which looks like perfectionism from above. When they get to my office, they are weary and worn out. They cannot understand why they don't get anything back from the people to whom they're giving. So they continue to give, do, be, and turn themselves inside out to try to get something back.Read More
It’s not a secret that American culture glorifies self-sufficiency and hyper-independence. We want to go it alone, do it all ourselves, and have all the control. When we encounter a speed bump or road block, the internal messages we hear sound like: buck up, soldier on, suck it up, just deal with it. Like, dude, what's wrong with you? Just GET OVER IT.
Not that it’s bad to pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps or motivate yourself to go on in the face of hardship. However, the subliminal message to this cultural value and norm is: If you need anyone or anything to help you, you’re weak. If you can’t do it alone, there’s something wrong with you. When we feel that the burden is all ours whether we need help or not, it can get very heavy.Read More
If the word “mindfulness” makes you roll your eyes and think of happy people frolicking through a meadow like they’re in some sort of pharmaceutical commercial, me too.Read More
Admit it- you sometimes analyze the hell out a text message exchange with your partner, the person you’re dating, or a friend. What does that even mean? Why did she say it that way? We react at lightning speed and defend something that wasn’t intended to be offensive.Read More