I'm not silent. I'm listening.

Black lives matter. Taking in and processing what has been unfolding over the last several weeks, I have not been silent. I’ve been absent online and on social media, but conversations in our household and conversations with clients have been frequent and complex.

black lives matter therapist

I feel the need to defend the online absence which could be viewed as silence, but don’t want to defend at the same time. Nevertheless, I don’t want my silence to speak for me or be interpreted as part of the problem. I also don’t want to masquerade as someone with white fragility or white privilege, and yet I can’t control what people think. I’m human and imperfect. I’m not opting out, I am opting in.

I opted in before I knew what the term “virtue signaling” meant. That’s not why I’m writing this. As a social worker, standing up for social justice, vulnerable populations, and respect for the humanity and dignity of people is in our Code of Ethics. It’s inherent in the way I operate in the world and in my work. Injustice based on race, class, religion, sexual orientation, ability, zip code, etc. is intolerable to me. “A rising tide lifts all boats” is an idea attributed to JFK to recognize that by helping the most vulnerable, we are helping everyone.

When so much is out of control right now, it has been helpful for me to engage in life in ways I can control. I have been listening. Learning. Processing. Trying to help my 7 year old son understand white privilege and racism. Supporting my clients as they navigate their worlds with COVID, Black Lives Matter, and their own set of circumstances. Listening to podcasts, documentaries, commentators. It’s kind of important to be quiet when listening. I have learned so much about what was left out of history and what I didn’t know I didn’t know.

When people are overpowered by a person, a group, a system, a society… it often leaves traumatic wounds. I am someone who is dedicated to helping people recover from their own trauma and uncover their own power. Part of that discovery process is learning how to use the power in a way that is assertive, authentic, and grounded in their values. Despite this amazing growth and ability to live into the life they want, many still encounter barriers, microaggressions, and injustice.

Those in positions of power are usually entrenched in a scarcity mindset, in that if power is shared, they are losing some, versus an abundance mindset of a rising tide. A scarcity mindset is fear based: powerful or powerless. Why is powerwith not a word? Maybe because it hasn’t become a thing. I have heard of both/and instead of and/or. I believe in this movement to address these wounds and I want to learn how to contribute to healing. I don’t have the answers, but I want to be part of the process.

One of the concepts I will never forget from graduate school is sociological imagination. In his 1959 book, C.Wright Mills uses the term to emphasize the connections between and among social structures, individual experiences, and personal agency. That what we experience individually is also experienced by others and influenced by context. George Floyd’s experience of being so inhumanely overpowered was the match needed to spark a long overdue social justice movement. His experience was literally the intersection of the individual and collective.

I’m not particularly loud on social media, as my life demands other things of me right now. I devote the almost the entirety of my resources to my offline life, but I am active. I am listening.