When will I be “good enough?”

You’re here because you’re ready to go from half-assing it to a full-on badass way of life.  You are so exhausted and you don’t know how to climb out of the hole.   If you keep on this path, you won’t ever reach “good enough” status.   Let’s hit the eject button and get off of this path to self-destruction. 

Anya Surnitsky

You’ve devoured self-help books to figure out the magic secret.  You’ve tried to let go of some of your commitments but feel guilty, or others get you to recommit in whatever way was already wearing you out. 

It’s so hard to say no to these things and disappoint others.  However, you are left feeling disappointed, out of gas, resentful, and totally half-assing most parts of your life.  

So to answer “when will I feel good enough?” … it’s not a short answer.  Sorry. 

You will feel like enough when you decide:

  • To stop trying to run your life based on what others think, feel and need, and honor the pursuit of your own definition/standard of excellence.
  • Whose opinions of you really matter (it’s sooo many less than you think right now).
  • To say no in a way that honors who you are and respects the relationship, but also respects your time, energy, and personhood.  This is all about setting boundaries.
  • To take the armor of perfectionism off piece by piece in order to learn what it means to strive to be YOUR best, not others’ bests. 
  • To pursue relationships where you and the other person feel heard, respected, and valued.  This might mean using those boundaries to adjust your relationships accordingly.
  • To identify your needs and ask for them to be considered, if not met, by others.
  • To stop judging yourself by unrealistic standards of beauty, excellence, and achievement.
  • To treat yourself the way you’d treat the people you love the most.  This means that the volume on the inner critic is turned WAY DOWN.

I know, I know. It’s really easy to create a list of all of these things, and much harder to put it into practice.   When you’re pursuing the perpetually elusive status of “good enough,” you are chasting an ideal.  It’s not real.  When you perceive others’ deeds, accomplishments or actions as “good enough” and get stuck in the comparison trap, berating yourself for not doing it as well as they are, I promise you that that person’s inner dialogue isn’t: wow, I’m awesome.  I finally reached the summit of good enough. I’m just going to lay here and bask in the sun for awhile. Their inner critic is most likely just as negative and critical as yours, because they are chasing their own version of ideal. No one wins at this game. That’s why you have to stop playing.

The above list of bullet points are all things we can work on together so that you feel like a badass in control of your life. Others don’t get to decide anymore. It’s empowering and courageous to live in a way that honors who you are and what you need.  It means to stop chasing good enough, to put down the armor of perfectionism, and to get out of the comparison trap.