Anya Surnitsky, LCSW

Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, Courage Catalyst

You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
— Brené Brown
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Anya Surnitsky, LCSW

Anya Surnitsky, LCSW

The hustle to be perceived as {insert superlative here} is never-ending.  You really can't win or get ahead; it's just a deceiving slippery slope of perfectionism.  Never feeling like you can live up to the expectations (whose expectations are they… anyway?)

Perhaps you run on a subconscious belief system that goes something like this:  If I can avoid the pain and shame of judgment, criticism, and rejection, then I will be safe and things will be under control.

So where does this leave you?

  • Caught in the hamster wheel of trying to please and perfect while avoiding negative perception, criticism, and judgment.

  • All the avoidance means that you’re actually hiding your true self in fear of not being accepted.

  • Your self-worth depends on how much you feel like you belong in a certain place.

  • You want to get your needs met, but don’t know what they are nor how to ask. That would be selfish.

  • You feel burned out and exhausted too often. The weight of the world is getting too heavy.

You CAN learn that who you are now is enoughAs is. Can you imagine how you would feel if you could soften into self-acceptance, knowing you're enough? To be able to rest when you’re actually resting or still (instead of your mind racing all over the place)?

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The Avoidance vs. Leaning In


I know you are smart, strong, and resourceful.  Because you've probably already tried to figure it out yourself.  To outrun it, outsmart it, out-hustle it, out-think it, out-everything it.  IT being the pain and shame.

You are not a failure because you can't figure it out or fix yourself as you've become accustomed to doing for everyone else.  That doesn’t mean you should continue to avoid and push away the hard feelings.

You may be embarrassed that you've waited so long and that you should have figured this stuff out by now (it's like believing you need to lose weight and get in shape before joining a gym).  There is no "right" way to address your past, but the right time.  If you are here and contemplating therapy, I'm glad you're exploring the nudge that your time is now.

Anya Surnitsky

No More Pretending

You don’t have to pretend you’re ok if you’re really not. The pretending, covering up and hiding is a betrayal to yourself, and will likely increase your anxiety. No one gets through life unscathed; It's just not realistic. 

When you get wounded by what life throws at you, it is possible to heal, versus just slapping on the temporary band-aid (denial, alcohol, work, food, sex, avoidance, intellectualizing, etc.) that doesn't heal anything-- it just covers it up. 

The secret is: if you surrender to the vulnerability of working on this with support, you will feel and be so much stronger. 

Time to Exhale

When you’re anxious and stressed, you may hold your breath a lot. When you get here, I hope it gets to feel like home; a place you can relax, take a breath, feel safe, and feel free to be you. Therapy goes better when you feel comfortable, safe, and supported.   

Courage Compass Therapy Office

Courage Compass Therapy Office

Courage Compass Therapy Office

Courage Compass Therapy Office

Permission to Change + Perfectionism Recovery

You have permission to exhale and attend to yourself.  You may not connect with the idea of being a perfectionist because you don’t necessarily need things to be perfect. Unexpectedly, the avoidance of failure wades into perfectionism territory through our feelings and behaviors.

You are ready…

>> To consider living a life that is not all about hustling for worthiness.

>> To challenge the way things “have to be” or the rules.

>> To believe that you are not responsible for making other people happy.

>> To stop feeling obligated and indentured to others, knowing that you will be able to communicate with grace and kindness about what you want. 

As Seen In

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Hear more about my work and how certain early wounds affect us as adults