Anya Surnitsky, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator
Time for Relief
If you set yourself on fire to keep others warm, you're in the right place. If you won't accept a glass of water when on fire, keep reading.
It's time to focus on yourself... you're worn out by helping everyone else, but there's no other option in your mind. You might be thinking, "I have to do these things in order to be liked, to gain approval, to avoid people being "mad" at me and prevent them from being disappointed in me." However, this charade cannot continue forever as it's literally burning down your internal structure. You're burned out from being there for everyone and it's time to be there for yourself.
Coming to therapy to focus on yourself may seem too selfish (or too scary). You don't think it's okay to be the one who's "broken." It feels weak to be “needy;" you think you should just be able to figure it out yourself because you're smart, strong, and resourceful. Asking for help seems like a sign of weakness.
You know what? I know you are smart, strong, and resourceful. Because you've probably already tried to figure it out yourself. To outrun it, outsmart it, out-hustle it, out-think it, out-everything it. You are not a failure because you can't figure it out or fix yourself as you've become accustomed to doing for everyone else. Helpers and givers need to learn to receive help. It's counter-intuitive but true. No one gets through life unscathed- It's just not realistic. When you get wounded by what life throws at you, it is possible to heal, versus just slapping on the temporary band-aid (denial, alcohol, work, food, sex, avoidance, intellectualizing, etc.) that doesn't heal anything-- it just covers it up. You just want relief, but it feels terrifying (read: nearly impossible) to reach out for help. The secret is: if you surrender to the vulnerability of working on this with support, you will feel and be so much stronger.
It means that you have to use your bravery to work through the fear of investing time and energy in your own healing. That is courageous. People can avoid coming to therapy for awhile because they are scared that their stuff is too much, too overwhelming, too "crazy," or alternatively, not "bad enough." They may be embarrassed that they've waited so long and that they should have figured this stuff out by now. There is no "right" way to address your past, but the right time. If you are here and contemplating therapy, I'm glad you're exploring that nudge and that your time is now.
When you get here, my office a judgment free zone; I do my very best to create a relaxed environment where you can be yourself, take your shoes off, exhale, and feel at home.
Permission to Change
You have permission to exhale and attend to yourself. Permission? Yes, because culturally, we feel like we're not allowed. I want to help you challenge "the rules" about how you're supposed to be, so you can redefine your life according to the rules you determine for yourself. I will help you find your inner hero or heroine that is hiding behind your inner critic so it can shine brightly.
You are ready to consider living a life that is not all about hustling for worthiness.
Recovering from Perfectionism
Hi! I’m Anya, a fellow recovering perfectionist (totally a thing), and if you can't tell by now, I’m here to help. Through our work together, I want to help you manage your anxiety while you embrace your inner badass and drop the charade.
I want you to be able to take care of yourself without feeling guilty or selfish. Curious? Read the blog post: 3 Ways to Opt Out of Guilt, or sign up for a 5-day course on Standing Up for Yourself Without Guilt.
I want you to be able to determine what you say yes and no to based on your values, needs, and feelings, not those of others. Yes, it's totally possible. You can stop being an approval junkie.
I know you can stop feeling obligated to do what you are supposed to do, or what you should do, and that you want to be able to communicate with grace and kindness about what you want to do (I know this one is really hard).