What is enough?

January 7, 2021 Anya Surnitsky

It’s just not good enough. I’m not good enough.

The topic of being good enough/ not being good enough is basically ubiquitous; it’s in the air we breathe. We constantly feel this scarcity or lack, and are culturally conditioned to do so. We are led to believe there’s always something, someone, somewhere better. Here’s a secret: the grass isn’t greener, it’s just different grass.

The biggest mistake perfectionists make in their relationships

November 9, 2018 Anya Surnitsky

Here's the pattern: I see many perfectionists; people who work hard, give a lot to others, and don't ask for a lot in return. They may not self identify as a perfectionist, but there is fear of failure or disappointing others under the surface which looks like perfectionism from above. When they get to my office, they are weary and worn out. They cannot understand why they don't get anything back from the people to whom they're giving. So they continue to give, do, be, and turn themselves inside out to try to get something back.

What no one talks about regarding perfectionism

May 7, 2018 Anya Surnitsky

People think that perfectionism is the relentless drive to be perfect. There is another way that perfectionism rears its head in a way you wouldn’t necessarily think of as perfectionism. It shows up as the refusal to be wrong and the avoidance of mistakes, or avoidance of anything that could lead to a mistake.